Kids Who Compete in Tennis – Tips for Parents

Competing is great for tennis-loving kids as it builds confidence on court, boosts focus and agility and teaches them that hard work pays off – a terrific life lesson.

At Tennis Hereford, we encourage and support our young tennis players to compete in tournaments, offering guidance for each child’s own ability and skill. The child listens to our advice and we help them grow in the sport.

For parents, we know, from over 20 years’ experience, that it’s not as easy. You want your child to do well in matches, that’s only natural, but this comes with worries, nerves – and your own frustrations.

Parents often question their role in supporting their child’s tennis success. Should you put pressure on them to win matches? Should you point out their mistakes and weaknesses to help them improve? Or should you step back and let them progress independently?

Lynette Federer, mother of tennis legend Roger Federer, says, ‘Our role as the parents of a junior is to ensure they attend their practice (though not to stand behind the fence all the time), accompany them to their matches, motivate them and comfort them when necessary, and, most important of all, to ensure that they enjoy the game and not to put too much pressure on your child in any way.”

So what should you do and not do in this confusing area for parenting? Well, the good news is there are some well-respected guidelines for all parents of competing children – from local competitions to national grades and beyond – follow these sound tips and you never know, you might find yourself cheering your not-so-little one at Wimbledon one day!

Important DOs

1. Remain calm – always remain level-headed during your child’s match, whether your child is winning or losing. Children look at their parents’ faces during matches to see their reactions – be careful that any negative facial expressions affect their confidence.

2. Judge performance – not match wins. Always judge a match based on your child’s effort performance and sportsmanship and not on whether they win or lose. Avoid asking “Did you win?” Instead it’s best to ask “How did you feel you played?” Show them that you are interested in their effort and not just the result. Reward their hard work. 

3. Appreciate that competing can be stressful for ALL tennis players, at ALL levels.

3. Encourage good behaviour.  Help your child to understand that it is important to respect the rules, their opponents and tennis officials, if they want to be successful at tennis.

4. Encourage independence. Help your child to be as independent as possible in organising themselves for a match and thinking through their game. Success at tennis requires a great deal of independence. 

5. Applaud both players at the end of the match. You will be showing your child a good example of sportsmanship and respect. 

6. Be mindful of your child’s self-esteem. If they lose their match, be careful not to strip them of their self-esteem by being upset with them. This won’t only affect their confidence to progress in the sport, but they will grow to fear your reactions, which can affect their mental wellbeing and your parent/child relationship.

Important DON’Ts

1. Don’t compare your child to others players and their progress/successes.

2. Don’t jump on your child at the end of a match with your analysis/criticisms of their game. Win or lose, tennis players need time to reflect by themselves after competing. Wait for them to catch their breath and thoughts before chatting about the match. 

3. Don’t make your child feel guilty with comments about your time and money spent on them in the sport if they lose a match. 

4. Don’t suggest failure, such as ‘I don’t think you can beat X, he’s a really good player’. You might think it makes losing easier for them to cope with, but it actually makes players accept defeat before they even start playing.

5. Don’t make your child over-confident either, such as ‘you will beat this kid easily, you are much better than them’. Rather than giving your child confidence, you are putting potentially damaging pressure on them and they will fear failure, fear your reaction and ruin their game in the process.

6. Don’t make excuses for them, such as, ‘my kid’s tired today, she was up late’. Players who hear excuses from their parents are more likely to give up whilst playing, and may start to make their own excuses to take fear of failure off themselves, i.e. having a fantom tummy ache or sore ankle. 

Finally, if your child does lose a match, join them in their disappointment, but don’t put your own disappointment on them. Competing can be tough, but it can also be incredibly rewarding for a child who might enjoy the challenge of it. Competing can make them feel good about themselves and give them a sense of belonging to a group of similar-minded children. 

Tennis is a fun and rewarding sport for all members of the family. We hope that this advice will help you.

If you have a particular question and would like to discuss it, please email Head Coach Andrew Griffiths at andrew@marcow47.sg-host.com